One and Done
by Mlle Lambert
Summary: Love isn't always a fairy tale, and there isn't always a happy ending. Not even for Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle.  Please don't kill me for this.
1. Changes

**Author's Note:** I'm probably going to get murdered for writing this... So apparently I'm in an angsty mood for writing or something. I do apologize for the sad stuff, but I promise you it will have a happy ending! Please don't kill me! Oh yeah, and review are nice...they make the happiness come more quickly. :-)

**Disclaimer: **Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.

**One and Done **

He honestly didn't know when things had changed. One minute, they were happily married and in love, and the next they were fighting all the time. As if that wasn't bad enough, she'd then accused him of cheating—the one thing he promised himself he would never do again. He'd already experienced the fallout from that more than once, and he never wanted to hurt someone like that again, especially not Katherine Beckett. He was supposed to be her one and done. So, to have her lose enough trust in him to believe that he would leave her bed for someone else's had stung more than he cared to admit. More aptly, it had made him angry.

Dozens of arguments and two broken hearts later, here they were, seated across from each other in a cold and Spartan meeting room with two divorce attorneys who were practically at each other's throats. He hated this. He hated that they had to sit here fighting over assets because she didn't trust him—because she chose not to believe him.

He knew it wasn't about the money. She didn't care about the money. Kate had chosen to do this for one reason, and he'd known it from the first moment he'd gotten that call from his lawyer. She wanted him to feel how she felt: betrayed, used, and heart-broken. What she didn't seem to realize is he'd already felt that way from the moment she'd chosen to believe the accusations of a stranger.

He felt her eyes on him and looked up, unintentionally catching her eyes. He felt the love he'd always had for her well up to the surface first, only to be quickly drowned by a pang of regret and pain. Her gaze was unyieldingly harsh, as if he were one of her suspects in an interrogation room. That mask showed nothing, and there was no cracking it. The only fact he could be sure of from that gaze was that she no longer loved him.

He could say all of this was her fault, but he knew it wasn't. He admitted that he was just as guilty as she was. They had both been distant and chose to pick fights over stupid shit because of everything that didn't go right. He'd said that much out loud to her, hoping it would fix things, but it didn't. And now…now, he was just tired of fighting.

So when her lawyer wouldn't back down, he made the decision to stop contesting her claims. It would only lead to even more bad blood between them. With a touch to get his attorney's attention and a nod, he set into motion the final offer he was willing to make his soon-to-be ex-wife, hoping she would realize she'd won. If she didn't love him anymore, at least he could give her those things she still did.

Following his lawyer, he spared her one last glance, but she wasn't looking at him. He guessed it was only fair. They'd stopped truly sharing gazes a long time ago.

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_Please review?_


	2. Wronged

**Author's Note:** Second chapter because I don't want to leave it with just that short little chapter to begin with. After this chapter I'll be explaining how they even got to this point. I really do apologize if it seems really OOC.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.**

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She didn't know where they'd gone wrong. She couldn't say they'd been perfect to begin with, but a few years ago, she would have laughed if anyone told her she'd find herself in this position. No, they were supposed to last. He was supposed to be her one and done, and she had never taken that lightly. She remembered the wedding, the congratulations, the happiness, and how much she loved him. She liked to think on some level she still did love him, but she wasn't in love with him. Not anymore. Not since before the fighting had grown petty and cruel.

They'd been married three years. They had dated for two, but if she was honest with herself, dating had only been the next logical step after so long working together. All total, she'd given him over eight years of her life, but it ended here, today. She wanted to cry—wanted to look him in the eye, tell him all was forgiven, and beg for absolution herself—but she knew that could not happen. He had stopped caring a long time ago, just as she had, leaving only bitterness between them.

Their lawyers argued, but both of them remained silent. He stared at an imperfection in the table between them, pale and looking exhausted. The only time she'd seen him look so defeated had been the weeks following his mother's death. She remembered he'd been a wreck and how she had been there to comfort him every night as he went through the grieving process. She also couldn't forget that he had been her anchor then, too. Holding onto him had kept her sane many times in the past, and not just after Martha's passing. She wanted to take his hand like she had back then and tell him everything would be all right, but she knew her words would seem insincere, considering the circumstances.

Instead, she remained pensive, wishing there was some way to fix this, but her mind could not think of a way to mend what had been shattered. She wished she could lay the blame solely on him, but she knew better. They'd both had a hand in destroying their marriage by becoming distant and arguing over things that really didn't matter. Well, except one thing she couldn't forgive no matter how hard she tried: infidelity.

He seemed to feel her eyes on him and looked up. Their eyes met and locked, despite her best efforts not to allow it. She saw everything. The sorrow, the pain, the exhaustion, and the absolute misery were right there for her to see. He hated being here just as much as she did. He hated that it had come to this, too.

Seeing that look in his eyes—the defeated posture he held—made her wish she hadn't listened to her attorney. If he hadn't convinced her it was worth it to pursue the infidelity clause in the prenuptial agreement, she could have just walked away, perfectly happy (or at least comparatively so) with a settlement totaling far more than she would ever need. She'd really only agreed to it because a part of her had wanted revenge. A part of her had wanted him to suffer for what he had done, but now, she only wanted to get out of here.

"Mr. Castle will continue to assert that he did not have an affair with Ms. Lamont, and unless you can bring forth solid evidence that he did, you're claim is invalid!" Rick's lawyer stressed for what seemed like the hundredth time. She'd heard it before, from both Rick's mouth and his lawyer's. That didn't make her any more likely to believe it.

"Patty Lamont sent Mrs. Castle love letters that she had received from Mr. Castle. Ms. Lamont also affirms that she did, in fact, have casual encounters with Mr. Castle on numerous occasions, usually at her apartment so they 'wouldn't get caught by his wife.' In addition, several of her neighbors confirm that Mr. Castle has been seen at her residence several times over the last year. Honestly, how much solid can you get?" Kate's eyes had flicked down to the hands she had clasped in her lap as her own lawyer shot back the facts from their investigation. She studiously avoided Rick's gaze.

"Circumstantial at best, counselor. Those love letters were typed, and the signature was a perfect match to that found in a copy of one of Mr. Castle's books in Ms. Lamont's library. Allegations of his presence at Ms. Lamont's apartment are unfounded, as many of the testimonies speak of times when Mr. Castle could not have possibly been in that area. Unless you can present a photograph or equivalent, I think this conversation is over. Mrs. Castle will have to settle with the terms set forth in the prenuptial agreement…"

This, of course, started a whole new argument between the two lawyers, and Kate made a point of tuning it out. They were going in circles, and it was getting them nowhere. It felt like a homicide investigation when they were out of leads. After what seemed like an eternity, it finally ended when Rick put a hand on his lawyer's arm, nodded, and something silent passed between them.

"My client is prepared to make a final offer. One-third of his estate, to include his house in the Hamptons and a share of his other investments outlined here." They were passed a lengthy document. "Take a few days to think it over. I'll be in touch." Without another word, he rose and left the room, Rick close behind.

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_Eep...I'm scared about how you guys will react to this...please review and let me know...even if you hated it!_


	3. Letters

**Author's Note:** I am absolutely amazed at the feedback I've gotten on this story. Thank you guys so much! The next few chapters take place in the past, as if our wonderful characters are having flashbacks of how it all went wrong. This one is some more angst for all of you to "enjoy," and I hope that it feels real to you. And don't worry, all will be explained as the story moves along!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.

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She remembered their last fight like it was yesterday. Patty Lamont had approached her only the week before. It had struck her hard—harder than any other cruelty in the previous months—but she had demanded proof. She'd gotten the letters in the mail days later. They not only detailed exactly what he wanted to do to Patty Lamont but also how much he loved her and how he was going to leave Kate for her. It didn't even stop there. He complained about how he was tired of pretending to love someone he didn't, and how distant she had been in the past months…how he'd enjoyed the comfort Patty could offer from his now loveless marriage.

Kate rarely cried, but she did as she read each of the twenty-three letters. It felt like a personal affront. It felt as if her heart was being ripped from her chest. She wanted it to be a dream. She wanted none of it to be real, but each typed document bore his signed first name: _Richard._ Each letter read like one of his books. There was no denying it was he who had written them.

He was away for the London Book Fair that week, and she had two pop and drops. By the time he returned on Thursday evening, she was more than ready to explode. He'd barely made it through the door before she cornered him, holding the letters up as evidence.

"You son of a bitch. Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"Find out what?"

"Don't play stupid, Rick. I know about her. How you want her and not me. How I make you—"

"What? Wait just a damn minute, Kate. Who—?"

"Patty Lamont!" She shoved the letters in his face. "Or do I need to refresh your memory? You told her you loved her. I thought you were supposed to love me. I thought that's why we got married, Rick—because we loved each other."

"I thought we did, too."

"Well, you sure do have a way of showing it, now don't you, Richard?"

He grimaced at the use of his full given name, but decided to ignore it. He held his hands up defensively. "Kate, I honestly don't know what you're talking about."

"You wrote her letters. You told her how alone you felt in your relationship with me. You told her that you couldn't love someone who didn't love you back. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"Kate, whoever this person is, I can assure you I've never met her, much less had an affair with her."

"I should have seen the signs. I knew you were growing more distant. I thought it was just…everything else. I never thought you'd do this. I trusted you. You betrayed me."

"Are you even listening to me? Are you listening to yourself? I didn't sleep with her, Kate. I haven't slept with anyone since—"

"Don't, Rick. Just don't. You think that I don't love you, but if you'd looked my way even once, you would have seen that I never stopped."

He stood there, back to the wall, her face inches from his. His mouth worked for a few moments, opening and closing, as if he wasn't sure what to say.

She spared him the effort. "I'll leave these for you. Don't bother destroying them. I made copies." She threw them down on the floor as if they had burned her, but she never broke eye contact. "As for me, don't bother trying to call. I won't answer. Goodbye, Rick."

The words held so much more finality than she could have hoped. She left him there, dumbfounded, as she grabbed her coat and a small travel bag from the couch and left the apartment without another word. Only when the elevator doors had closed did she allow the tears to fall.

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_I know I'm not moving fast from the first scene and the chapters are short, but I'm trying to keep similar themes in each chapter. I promise I'll have a longer one soon. Please review!_


	4. Cold Heat

**Author's Note:** I thought I'd treat everyone to another update. I think so far I'm most proud of this chapter so far, except maybe the end. I would say enjoy, but I don't think that's quite appropriate...

**Disclaimer: **Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.

He remembered watching her fall apart—seeing the love in Kate's eyes fade into a dull nothingness he couldn't quite describe. It broke his heart to see her fall into what seemed like a black hole of anger and depression. The distance grew between them until it felt like miles. He tried to comfort her—tried to show her that he still loved her despite all she had to be going through—but she only pushed him further away.

She had thrown herself into her job, much to his dismay. They'd argued over it until he consulted a difficult case and realized it was the only thing she could do that made her still feel alive. Even though it broke his heart to know he couldn't give that to her, he'd shut up about it. At least she could do something to make the pain go away, unlike him. He found himself unable to write—unable to communicate anything but his own misery onto paper. He knew that perhaps one day they would both get over it, but it would take time. He waited, and he hoped.

When her job nearly killed her, everything changed. They argued more, but this time it was about everything. It was about Kate choosing to put herself in danger. It was about Rick taking every opportunity to be away. It was about not making love for more than six months. It was about feeling unloved and unlovable. They always walked away feeling worse.

So Rick did the one thing he did best. He wrote about it. There was no crime. There wasn't even a plot. There were only words, only thoughts. His nights spent sleeping in the study increased, and the time he and he wife spent together became nearly nonexistent. Eventually, the thoughts became words that did form a story, and he wrote it. In a matter of only months, _Cold Heat_ was published—just in time for the London Book Fair.

Of course, he elected to go when he was given the chance to read an excerpt—anything to get away from the real Nikki Heat he had to face every time he ventured out of his study. She barely reacted when he told her of his decision, and although he made the half-hearted offer for her to come along, he knew she would say no. So, he left her there in New York in hopes that his week out of the country would help him gather the courage to renew everything with the woman he loved once he returned.

He was quite surprised to return home only to find that she had a bag packed and an irate temper. He tried to tell her the truth—that he had never heard of this woman of which she spoke—but it only fell on deaf ears. His heart broke as she insisted that he had broken her trust—that he had betrayed her—and when she confirmed that she still loved him despite all of their troubles, he wanted to tell her he did, too. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her senseless. He wanted to prove it to her. He wanted to show her, but before he could do any of that, she was gone, slamming the door in his face despite his cries to stop her from leaving.

He hadn't felt lost very many times in his life, but this was one moment where he could honestly say that he did—completely and utterly lost. He picked up the bag he had dropped when she had confronted him as well as the letters she had thrown down before she'd left and moved to the couch. After placing the bag on the cushions and the letters on the coffee table, he removed his coat and sat down, reaching for the bag and opening it. On the very top of his things sat a box he'd intended to give her that night as a promise of what was to come. He picked it up and twirled it in his hands.

Rick wanted to chase after her, but he knew it would only end in her pushing him even further away than she already had. He'd learned that the hard way. So, still at a loss what to do, he picked up one of the letters and began to read.

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_So what did you think? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know with a review and the next chapter (which I'm sure most of you will love) will come sooner!_


	5. Love

**Author's Note:** This chapter is a bit different than the others in a few ways: the way I start the story, how it reads, and what it actually contains. Yes, that's right, folks. I've included a bit of fluff to give us a tiny little break. I wanted to make it longer, but then it wouldn't be as fluffy, so I do apologize. I hope you enjoy and thank you all for the reviews and positive feedback so far!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.

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"I'm pregnant."

Rick's fork stopped in midair. His eyes flicked up to meet hers, mouth slightly open, and shock evident on his face. He obviously hadn't expected such a statement, especially in the middle of a restaurant. "You…wh…" He put his fork down. "Did I just hear you correctly?"

Kate nodded, a slight smirk on her face.

"Oh my…Kate, that's great…why are you telling me this now?" He said before realizing his faux pas and recovering quickly. "Not that it's not the best news I've heard since you agreed to marry me, but…"

Her smirk grew into a smile as she deliberately broke eye contact to take a sip of water.

"No, really. I didn't mean that how it sounded, I just…" he continued, sounding flustered.

"Digging a deeper hole, Ricky," she commented, the expression on her face now a teasing grin.

"Um…I…" He looked down at his food. "Sorry."

She laughed a bit at the slightly sheepish look on his face. "No, it's all right. I should have warned you. It just… I've been wanting to tell you all day." She found she couldn't stop smiling, and when he looked back up to meet her eyes, he immediately returned the gesture.

"Well, it's amazing you held out this long then, isn't it?"

She chuckled. "I guess so."

They just gazed at each other for a while. He broke the silence, his hand coming to rest over hers on the table. "We're having a baby," he said in wonder.

"Yes, we are," she replied with a smile.

"I love you."

"And I love you." She twined her fingers with his, and then leaned in. She raised a brow and said very seductively, "Now, finish your dinner so I can show you just how much."

The hungry look she received in response told her exactly what he thought about that comment. In ten minutes flat, he had gotten a to-go box and paid for their meal. As they casually left the restaurant, she noticed how possessively his arm rested around her waist despite his outwardly calm appearance.

They somehow managed to make it back to the loft without too much distraction, but the moment they got out of his car, it began, especially once he'd tugged her into the elevator and the doors had closed. Their bodies pressed together, she found herself intoxicated by the mere smell of him and she crushed her lips to his before he could take the opportunity himself.

It took conscious effort to move when the elevator dinged, and by the time they'd made it to the apartment door, their lips had locked once again. He pushed her against the door, fumbled with his keys, and pushed the door open. "God, I love you so much." He murmured against her mouth.

She moaned in response. "Shut up and close the door."

He did so before pushing her into the apartment and toward the stairs, tugging at her dress urgently. They never made it to the bedroom.

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_Nice break? Well, be prepared for next chapter...you might have already guessed but it's a bit of a doozy. Please review and I'll love you for it!_


	6. Loss

**Author's Note:** I'm really, really sorry it's taken me so long to update! I got hit hard this past week with assignment so I've just now found the time to post. On top of that, one of the reviews I got last week kinda disheartened me a bit and I stopped writing the story altogether, so the only chapters I have done are this one and chapter 8 since I needed to do a little bit more backstory for chapter 7. I plan to write chapter 7 within the next couple of days and get it posted for you guys to read. I had hoped to stay ahead several chapters but that's not going to happen. Anyway, this chapter and the next will both start off in the past and end in the present as my explanation of how they got to this point is coming to a close. It's also a bit longer, so I hope you like that, at least. Also, if you want to review, I'm sorry to say you will have to log in as I no longer accept anonymous reviews. So, yeah, I'll stop babbling now and let you get to the story...

**Disclaimer: **Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.

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It was a happy time for them. Kate's libido was in overdrive for the next several weeks, and Rick was loving every minute of it, even though he found it hard to keep up with her desires to have her way with him multiple times in one day—sometimes immediately after the last time. All in all, however, he noticed a self-satisfied smirk every time he looked into a mirror, and his heart, mind, and body had never felt better.

He quickly discovered that walking by the baby section of any store without buying anything was a very difficult task. Kate, of course, teased him incessantly, but he later discovered that she was just as guilty. It started out as a few toys and in a matter of a few weeks turned into outfits that would suit either a boy or a girl, even though Rick was insistent that the baby was going to be female.

Then early one morning, he found himself being shaken violently awake. Opening his eyes to a pale and drawn face with dark circles that only slightly resembled his wife, he was immediately alert. A painstaking drive and a long wait at the emergency room later, his world was crushed—and he knew hers was, too. They would never know.

She cried herself to sleep cuddled against his body. He could only lay awake, wondering why they had to suffer through this. He wanted so badly to fix it, but knew he couldn't. When dawn finally broke, he gave up on sleep and opted to relieve the restlessness by writing, but nothing came. Not a word.

What seemed like hours later, he looked up from the blank page and blinking cursor to find her leaning against the doorframe with a cup of coffee in hand. She smiled tentatively, a haunted look in her eyes and her face drawn. He abandoned his computer, kissing her forehead and pulling her into a warm embrace that stifled the sobs that immediately began wracking her body.

Rick felt so helpless. He pulled away gently to look at her tear-stained face and red-rimmed eyes, and realized that despite her visage, she was still just as beautiful now as she had been yesterday and the day before…and the day he met her. They were both heartbroken, but what really mattered was that somehow, they would make it through this. He leaned down, brushing his lips against hers.

She gently pushed him away, shaking her head. "No. Rick, I can't." The confusion he felt must have shown on his face. "I don't feel…" New tears spilled down her cheeks

His hands cupped her face and he brushed his thumbs across the wetness. "Shh… It's all right. You don't have to explain yourself." He leaned his forehead against hers, eyes closed. "I understand." And he did, despite being a little upset at the slight rejection.

It went on like that for days. Then days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. The lack of intimacy, he could understand, but when he reached for her, she shied away from him. He was her husband. He was supposed to be there to comfort her when she needed it most, but she wouldn't let him.

What hurt the most was that she thought he had strayed. The look of betrayal on her face the last night he saw her alone—without a lawyer or one of the boys from the precinct the back her up—had sent him reeling. He hadn't slept well since then—since reading those vile letters. They'd been so happy and then everything changed so much and so quickly he didn't know how to fix it even though he wanted to with every ounce of his being.

She hadn't accepted anything from him since she'd left—not words, not apologies, and certainly not anything material. He still had the bracelet he'd meant to give her that night. In truth, he was afraid to even offer it. She might think he was trying to buy her love, and he didn't want that. He just wanted her, and he wished he could tell her. He wished she would listen.

But she wouldn't, and that's why when he turned into the little alcove that held the law office's elevators, his heart jumped into his throat and he stopped so quickly he almost tripped over his own two feet. She was facing away from him, but he knew it was her the moment he caught sight of the brown hair so neatly tucked into a bun. His fingers tingled, and he ached to run his fingers through that fall of silk once more. He banished the image of it spread over her pillow as he made love to her as quickly as it came to mind.

She turned then, as if sensing him. Green eyes immediately found his, and even after all the years they had been together and all the problems they'd had, he still felt that little jolt to his system. He held her gaze for mere seconds, trying to communicate everything in that span. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for not being able to help her, for choosing to spend so much time on his book instead of with her, and for not chasing after her—something that meant that terribly sad look would be gone from her eyes. She looked away before he got the chance.

He cautiously stepped toward the elevators while keeping his distance from her. By then, she had faced back toward the elevator, her body angled away from his. The realization came that this was their first time "alone" since their last fight. He wanted to tell her that he still loved her—that he wanted another chance to prove it to her. Instead, he said, "Have you read _Cold Heat_ yet?" It came out as rough and uncertain.

"I think I already know what it's about," she replied tersely, not looking at him.

"You really should. It might surprise you," he told her softly, giving her a sidelong glance.

Her eyes flicked toward his, but she said nothing.

The elevator doors opened, and she stepped in. He had the presence of mind not to join her, waiting for the doors to close. He'd catch the next one.

He only hoped his words stuck with her enough to take his suggestion to heart. He needed her to read the book—one portion in particular. He could only keep his fingers crossed.

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_I hope you "liked" the update. I know this isn't the best story ever, but I do like to try and finish what I've started if it's worth it... So let me know what you think. I love reviews. Reviews make me feel better. :-)_


	7. Dedication

**Author's Note:** Thanks, everyone, for the support in the last few reviews since I posted the last chapter only a few hours ago! As a way of apologizing for taking so long to update, I'm going to go ahead and post this. I've combined two chapters into one, so that means I still have the write the next one, but it means you guys get a longer chapter that ends on a little bit more of a nicer note than some of the previous ones. That being said, I did have a bit of trouble with the first part of this since I'd forgotten where I was going with it, so I do apologize if it's a bit confusing. Also, I have never really written must Esposito before, so I'm not sure how well I portrayed his character. I may not get the next chapter out as quickly as we'd all like, but you can expect it before Friday, and I'm being lenient here because I have a ton of homework due Monday and Tuesday that I need to work on! Anyway, I'll let you get to it!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.

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It had seemed like she was living in a tragedy. Everything had started out so perfectly and had slowly turned into a nightmare. She asked herself over and over why this had happened. She remembered the excitement, the laughter, and how they were rarely able to keep their hands off each other for more than a few minutes at a time. Then, that little slice of heaven had ended after only four weeks of knowing they had created life.

She cried every night and even every day. At first, it was easy to allow him to hold her. The warmth of his arms had helped somewhat to ease the aching pain she felt with each breath. The enormity of the loss surprised her—she hadn't even felt this adrift when her mother had died. Every time she looked at Rick, it only hurt more. She knew he was heartbroken, too, and there was nothing she could do to fix that when she was in such a state herself.

So she pushed him away. This was something she had to deal with on her own. She convinced herself that he didn't understand, and by the time she realized how wrong she'd been, they'd already begun fighting and it no longer mattered.

Those months after the miscarriage had been the worst. She remembered trying so hard to find things to do that would keep her mind away from the loss—working out, throwing herself into her work, and sometimes even secluding herself in their darkened bedroom alone on those days it hurt the most. God help Rick, he'd stayed away like she asked despite the lost look in his eyes when he saw the dark circles under her eyes and her thin appearance. She couldn't penalize him for conceding to her wishes, especially considering the fact that sometimes she would sometimes wake up to find his arm tightly around her waist and his body cuddled against hers. She knew he was trying to support her in whatever ways he could, so she pretended not to notice. Looking back, she knew that this was what helped her the most to function again.

But once she did, everything had changed. He'd stopped trying to talk to her and barely spent his waking hours with her at all. When they were together, they were usually fighting. He spent more and more time in his study or away from home altogether. She wasn't even away he was writing a book until she read an article announcing its title: _Cold Heat_. This, of course, had led to a fight about how he hadn't told her, and then another about how he wouldn't let her read it until it was finished. Before she'd gotten the chance to crack the cover, the last threads holding their marriage together had broken.

She'd avoided him since that night. Anger had been a close companion at first, but it had slowly faded into sadness that it had come to this. She had fully expected to break into tears if they were left alone for too long or just break his jaw. So, when their eyes met at the elevator, she was surprised that none of her fears came true. Instead, she felt her heart skip a beat and her breath catch—that old familiar reaction she used to get when they'd spent some time apart. Quickly averting her gaze, she faced away from him, willing the elevator to move faster.

His question caught her off guard. "Have you read _Cold Heat_ yet?"

She'd read the articles of a less than happy relationship between the two main characters in the latest Nikki Heat book, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where he got his inspiration. "I think I already know what it's about."

"You really should. It might surprise you,"

She chanced a look at him, but could think of nothing to say. Thankfully, the elevator's far-too-cheerful ding saved them from an awkward silence. Kate practically ran into the elevator, grateful when he did not follow. When the doors closed, she sighed in relief.

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The next morning, she found herself staring blankly at paperwork as she contemplated the previous day. Not only had Rick done the unthinkable, offering her so many of their material things he'd known she'd come to adore, especially the house in the Hamptons. She knew he loved that place—possibly even more than she did—but he was offering it to her as part of the settlement. It spoke volumes to her: he didn't want to fight anymore. He was telling her that he wanted this to be over, and if that meant giving up a large portion of his own estate, he was willing to do it.

How was she supposed to take that? She'd spent all this time thinking he didn't love her anymore. She'd had to force herself to get over the only man from which she'd accepted a ring because of that belief. Now, his actions sang a different tune. Maybe she'd been wrong all along. Maybe he did still love her.

But what about Patty Lamont? If he still loved her, then why had he cheated? For the first time in months, she found herself really wondering if he'd been telling the truth. But how, when there were solid witnesses and those letters? She knew that if this were one of her cases, he'd come up with some story that might not make sense, but would possibly bring them one step closer to a solution. She found herself unconsciously smiling at the memory of his antics when he shadowed her.

"Well, there's something I haven't seen in a while," Esposito's voice came from across the room.

She came out of her reverie, focusing a half-hearted glare in his direction.

"Ah, there's the Beckett we know." He rose from his reclined position at his own desk and walked over to hers. Plopping down in Castle's old chair, he asked. "I know it's not the paperwork, so what's got you in such good spirits?"

"Nothing," she replied. Pausing, she debated whether or not to really tell him. He would probably manage to get it out of her eventually—and it would probably involve Ryan. She turned to him and decided to share. "Remember when we were would reach a dead end in one of our cases and Castle would come up with some crazy theory?"

She watched his expression go from curious to cautious in seconds. "Yeah…why?"

Smiling in reassurance, she explained herself, "I miss that sometimes. It always made things seem more…"

"Unexpected?"

"Yeah. I actually looked forward to hearing what he'd come up with sometimes," she mused, eyes losing focus for a moment.

Esposito was silent, and when she brought her eyes back to him, he looked pensive. "I was just wondering. Have you…read _Cold Heat_, yet?"

"No," she answered quickly, firmly, looking back at her paperwork.

"No, you haven't or no, you don't want to?"

She met his gaze coolly. "I really don't know."

"You really should." Esposito stood and made his way toward his own desk, stopping at Ryan's and picking up a book. "Ryan has been obsessed with Castle's books ever since he started shadowing you, so, of course, he got this one as soon as it came out." He handed it to Kate.

She stared at the cover with its bright letters and the usual silhouette of Nikki Heat. In her hands was the book that made her personal life go from just that to quite public. She'd known from the first moment she'd heard the title that it must be about them, no holds barred, and it hurt. He had promised her that nothing that strictly personal would make it into his books, and now this.

She almost missed Esposito's remark, "Look, I'm not saying you have to read it, but at least look at the dedication, okay?"

Her eyes flicked up to him, confused. Curiosity got the better of her, so she opened the hardcover to the proper page. What she read shocked her. The first part she knew by heart—they were engraved inside her wedding ring. The second half was an added aside that brought a pang of regret. His words were so simple yet so touching: "For my Nikki Heat—With everything the vows promised."

She felt tears threatening to fall, and quickly snapped the book shut. She looked over at Esposito, who had returned to his desk. He raised his brows and shrugged.

It was a message. He'd known she would read it—or at least assumed she would—and so he'd sent her a message that was clear without giving away everything to the world (although tabloids and page six had taken care of that, if she wanted to be completely honest). It wasn't an apology; it was a promise that he'd be waiting for her no matter what. More importantly, the book had been published before the book fair—before their fight. So, she found herself asking one very important question: why would he put something like that into a book if he had been having an affair?

Even if he hadn't, it didn't change the fact that their marriage had already been failing. Something like this just didn't go away over night, but maybe he'd been trying. Maybe she'd been wrong about him—about all of this.

That evening, she did something she hadn't done in years—she actually purchased a Richard Castle book.

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_As always, I ask that you tell me what you think! Reviews = candy, and I'm on a diet, so this is the closest thing I can get!_


	8. All that Matters

**Author's Note:** First, I have to apologize to all of you. There's this pesky thing called college (which I've happily just completed) that kinda got in the way of me updating. My muse sort of ran away and hid in the corner because of all the assignments and other stressful paperwork I had to get done in order to graduate, but it's over now, which means she can run wild and give you all sorts of insane stories this summer until I start my job in July. That's a lot of time to have fun, right? I'll get this done before then! I've sort of gone off plan with this, and it's taken on a life of its own but I think you'll at least enjoy the bit of fluff at the end. I'll be working on the next chapter and get it posted in the next few days, I promise! Once again, I'm sorry it's taken me so long, but the wait is over! I hope you enjoy! Please R&R! Oh and there are slight **spoilers for the last two episodes, Pretty Dead and Knockout.** Consider yourself warned.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine…so not mine. Sad day.

* * *

Rick remembered the playful arguments he'd had with his daughter over her high school years concerning possible colleges for her to attend. Of course, they'd both known even then that she'd be accepted into any one of them to which she applied, but Rick had always secretly hoped she would opt for Princeton, NYU, or Rutgers so she could be nearby. He'd thought he'd be able to go through the choices, weighing the options with her when the time came, but life had other plans. When she'd told him she was going to graduate a semester early and go to Stanford to be with her boyfriend, he hadn't known how to react. At all.

He remembered trying to talk her out of it, hoping that this idea wouldn't last, but he had been so very wrong. It had been Kate who had talked some sense into him, he remembered—she'd always been good at that. So today, talking to his daughter on the phone, he felt a pang of sadness, not just because his daughter was hours away but also because Kate wasn't there listening to the speakerphone, as well.

"I really miss you, Dad." Alexis' voice on the other end of the line had a bittersweet smile gracing Rick's face.

"I miss you, too, pumpkin."

"I can't wait to see you again! I'm so glad graduation is only a few weeks away or I think I'd go crazy."

His little girl was all grown up, Rick thought for what had to be the millionth time. "And when we get you moved back to New York, I'm locking you in your bedroom and not letting you leave until you promise to change your law school choice to Princeton instead of Harvard."

"Dad!" Alexis protested, but he could tell she was only playing along.

"Ah, you know I'm kidding. I may love you too much but I'm not going to keep you away from your dreams."

Alexis had yet to mention Kate, but he knew it was only a matter of time as the conversation continued and they talked of nothing and everything else. Sure enough, she only lasted another ten minutes before she asked, "So, will Kate be at the graduation?"

Castle sighed, ruffling his hair a bit as he ran a hand through it. He realized he didn't know. "I'm sure she wouldn't miss it for the world. She loves you, Alexis. What's happening between the two of us has nothing to do with you."

"How is she?"

"Okay, I guess. I saw her yesterday."

"Well, that's good."

"Her divorce attorney has convinced himself that she should take me for all I've got."

"That's…bad," Alexis replied, sounding uncertain. "What are you going to do?"

"I made an offer. I don't know if she'll accept." Honestly, he didn't want her to accept. He didn't want any of this. He just wanted his wife back.

Silence, and then, "Dad, I usually make it a point not to ask you things like this, but did you really just write and tour this whole year?"

"Of course, sweetie, what do you mean?" Rick asked stupidly, having missed the idea behind the question entirely.

"Dad… There really wasn't anyone else?" He could hear her embarrassment over the phone.

Rick looked at the phone intently as if he were looking directly at her. "Never." The buzzer sounded, alerting him to a visitor. "Hold on just a minute, Alexis. It's probably a delivery or something."

He stood, crossing the short distance from his office to the door in no time. He would later swear his heart stopped beating for a few seconds when he opened the door. Her long brown hair fell in enticing waves about her shoulders and her green eyes searched his for answers. After what seemed like hours but was really only minutes, she raised an eyebrow. He realized he'd forgotten to breathe, and gulped in air. He closed his mouth, which had somehow dropped open at the sight of her on their doorstep.

"Kate, I—"

"Can I come in?" She didn't wait for an answer. She just squeezed past him into the foyer, looking around.

"Dad?" Alexis' voice floated through his open office door. He hurried back, gave a quick promise to call her back, and ended the conversation.

"Alexis?" Kate said from the doorway. He looked up to find her leaning against the doorframe casually, but he knew better. She might as well be a caged tiger. When he simply nodded in reply to her question, she stalked over to his desk. "You didn't have to hang up on her. I could have waited."

"No, it's not a problem," he responded quickly, noticing the book in her hand for the first time. His name was emblazoned across the top of the blue cover, and he knew immediately what it must be. _Cold Heat._ "Please tell me you didn't buy that."

Kate glanced down at the book and shrugged. "Why?"

"Seriously?" Rick gave her a look.

"What did you expect me to do, Rick? Ask you for it?" Kate retorted. "If my lawyer knew I was even here right now, he'd have a fit."

He scoffed. "He's certainly the type."

"Shut up. Just, shut up, okay?" She slammed the book down on the desk in front of him so hard that he flinched. "I paid cash and the woman at the counter still gave me an odd look. I'm not in the mood to take this from you, too."

Rick wisely stayed silent.

"Now," Kate began, taking on a pose he had often seen her use during an interrogation: hands resting on the desk at either side of her upper body and making full eye contact, "I need you to explain this." She gestured toward the book.

"It's a book."

"Don't get smart with me, Castle," she growled, using his last name to get the point across.

Rick didn't blink. "What do you want to know?"

"Where should I start?" She pushed herself back up into a standing position and paced the room, gesturing with her hands as she spoke, "Why did you write the book in the first place? How am I supposed to interpret it? And that dedication? What was that?" She stopped, meeting his eyes once again.

"You were lost, Kate," he answered simply, gaze unwavering.

"You didn't come after me."

"I tried." Rick slowly came around the desk and crossed to her. "You wouldn't let me in." He averted his gaze, resisting the urge to touch her somehow. "Nikki did. She let me write her pain—what I saw in you but couldn't assuage. She let me ease her pain as she grieved…as I grieved." His eyes flicked back up to hers as he said the last part. "I know we agreed I'd leave our personal lives out of the books, but it was the only thing that kept me from going insane."

Her eyes were fixed on the framed print behind his desk—that disorienting Paris staircase. He could see the moisture gathering in her eyes and gave into the need to touch her, taking her hand. Her sharp intake of breath and quick withdrawal had his heart breaking all over again. They stood like that for a long time. He knew patience might be a better course, but he had to get it all out, then and there, before she dismissed him again.

"I never stopped loving you, Kate. Not once. Remember the first time I told you? You'd just been shot. I thought I'd lost you then. I thought that was it, but that didn't make me love you any less. It hasn't changed since then, and I would _never_ want to hurt you—"

Intense green eyes stopped him in his tracks. "Shut up, Rick," she said, her voice determined, but it cracked when she said his name. The tears came then, streaming down her face as the walls she'd put between them came crashing down.

He was there in an instant, brushing the moisture away with his thumbs as he cradled her face in his hands. "Shh…Kate. It's okay. I love you. I love you so much."

He rested his forehead against hers just seconds before pressing his lips against hers. When she responded, the spark of fire hit him like an electric jolt, but sweeter—more sensual. Her moan only enflamed him more, and he pulled her body flush with his so she could feel his arousal. He suddenly didn't care that so much had gone wrong between them—that there was so much left that needed to be fixed. She was here in his arms, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
